Dear Friends:We were taught, as children, that you have to give to others in order to receive from them. It seemed to follow that "the more that you give, the more that you will get." Pundits, success coaches and pop psychologists still cite the mantra that "you will acquire great wealth by helping others, and by fulfilling their needs."
I hesitate to point out to them such contrarian examples as Jesus Christ, Mother Theresa, and other great givers. Perhaps my mistake is in the timing of cause and effect -- perhaps I could be more comfortable with this generosity mantra if someone were to say to me instead that, "the more that you give in this life, the more you will receive (karmically, or through some other hermetic mechanism) in the next life." Of course, I would need certain guarantees regarding the hereafter in order to fully buy in.
The truth, at least during this life: The more you give, the more people will take. The more you give, the more people will demand. The more you give, the more people will feel that they are entitled to from you. The more you give, the less valuable will be the perception of your contribution, which will be taken for granted after a time. The more you give, the more depleted you will be. And if you continue to give beyond your means, or without adequate reward, the more embittered and impoverished you will become.
A solution: Give just enough to demonstrate good faith and competence. Thereafter, request reasonable compensation in exchange for what you provide. Conduct yourself on the assumption that Human Nature is such that you will not be paid, compensated or truly appreciated unless you demand of the recipients the respect that compensation affords. Uncompensated work tends to go unvalued, and speaks of either too much idle time or low self-esteem, neither of which makes you look particularly good. You can only afford to give to charity if you basic needs are met. Further, you cannot be a great philanthropist unless you are rich.
If you wish to be charitable and philanthropic, focus on getting adequately compensated firstly, and not secondly. Always be clear on the cause and effect. This is not an endorsement of selfishness or excessive greed -- this is merely a statement of priorities.
If you are a good-natured and talented or skilled soul, you will find your greatest challenge to be in creating and maintaining boundaries to enforce this directive. Taking Command is sometimes painful, but the rewards are great.
As a financial planning consultant once said to me..."Douglas, I can get all the clients I want if I don't charge fees." Thirty years later, I say, belatedly, "Amen!"
Don't sell yourself short. Ever.
Faithfully,
Douglas Castle
p.s. Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/douglascastle, and at http://twitter.com/TNNW_BUZZWORKS . You can join Twitter (it's free) by going to http://twitter.com and opening an account.
