CREATE OR DESTROY?

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Dear Friends:

The ultimate powers that can be wielded by an individual can be distilled down to only two: the power to create and the power to destroy.

In the legendary underworld of the Colombian drug cartels, the proverbial "offer that you cannot refuse" is stated plainly... plata o plomo...literally "silver or lead." Either be paid well to do something, or be shot for failing to comply. The stark difference between the outcomes, depending upon the choice made by the sweating offerree, makes the significance and urgency of the offer more graphically clear.

Many times it means the choice between doing something morally reprehensible and being well paid for your demoralizing compromise of ethics held dear, or receiving a bullet in the brain. A critical factor in making this motivating choice effective is the offeree's perception of the offeror's ability and willingness to absolutely carry through on the implicit threat. At best, this is slightly better than a Hobson's choice; at worst, it has propelled more than a few ardent moralists to suicide. But then, most offerees do not have either the moral conviction or the steely courage required to terminate their lives (as miserable as they may be) in the interest of moral integrity.

Without moralizing, and viewing these two opposite powers simply as tools for persuasion and accomplishment, it is optimal to have both in the Commander's arsenal. If given a choice of only one power, most people, thinking the worst of themselves and of the entire species, would prefer to have the power to destroy. This is not a sad commentary on human nature, so much as a choice influenced by simple, rational and economic thought. IT IS CHEAPER, FASTER AND EASIER TO WIELD A WRECKING BALL THAN IT IS TO DESIGN AND CONSTRUCT A BUILDING. Also, it requires far less in the way of talent or training.

Generalizing further, it is much easier to be a prosecutor or a critic than an entrepreneur or an artist. It is far more challenging to revive a dying person than it is to simply destroy a living one. The power to destroy invariably trumps the power to create, and the threat of destruction is always more potent as an inducement to behavior than the promise or possibility of creation.

Every bully on the beach knows that it is much easier to step on someone's sand castle than it is to spend hours in the hot sun building one. And bouncers at bars are not generally 5' 7" martial arts experts (think of the movie "ROAD HOUSE," starring Patrick Swayze) who may have to actually prove themselves in a rough-and-tumble fight -- they are usually big, surly-looking fellows who pose a sufficient perceptual manace that they will probably not be tested by some inebriated patron with a need to assert himself.

As long as the default setting on most human beings is cowardice, a threat will always be a more potent motivator than an opportunity.

If you don't believe this, just observe government and international politics. Many negotiations are actually thinly-veiled threats of destruction or terrorism.

Bear this in mind when assessing your options in any negotiation, and in sizing up any potential adversary.

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle

THE OCCASIONAL FOLLY OF PERSUASION.

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Dear Friends:

There are volumes of treatises written and seminars offered on the "Power Of Persuasion", "Making Friends and Influencing People," and numerous other variations on the general themes of cultivating friends, the art of networking, developing contacts, diplomacy and closing sales. The underlying presumption is that if we can reasonably and compassionately counter various objections and engender rapport with otherwise neutral or slightly undecided persons, we can "push them to the point of saying 'yes'", and then we can be victorious in in our social lives and professional careers. The art of persuasion, like the art of negotiation, is indisputably important in gaining command and control over any social situation. Being able to resolve conflicts either through logical compromise or circumstantial domination is extraordinarily useful. Now for the surprise:

The key to the utilization of any of these persuasion strategies is not its mastery, per se...it is in determining whether or not the strategy is appropriate for use given the 1) subject individual, and 2) the circumstances. And there is always the additional constraint of time; the ever-present clock ticking ceaselessly, in the background. There are instances when the deployment of a persuasion strategy is a counterproductive activity, and a waste of your valuable time and resources.

Categorize your subject individual, prior to engaging in any strategy, into one of the three following groups:

1. Natural Allies -- those persons who want what you want, and have the inclination, urgency and resources to cooperate. You can "feel" an affinity with these persons much of the time.

2. Neutral Parties -- undecided but potentially malleable persons who may be receptive, but require some convincing or comfort in order to to see your point of view.

3. Natural Enemies -- those persons who stand to benefit (in some manner) by your failure, loss, or detriment. You can "feel" an adversarial or menacing energy when you are in contact with these persons.

In making a determination, your instincts and intuition will be key. When in doubt, categorize negatively. Unless you are under the influence of a distortional pathology (i.e. paranoid delusions, hallucinations, phobias, watching too much television, and the like), the very spectre of doubt is, in and of itself, a warning sign. Err on the side of caution and self-protection.

After having made your determination, allocate your time with the subject individual based upon the following "rule of thumb" (for lack of a better, or more appropriate digit):

Spend 80% of your time finding and courting your Natural Allies ;

Spend 20% of your time using your persuasive skills on Neutral Parties -- if they are receptive and are easily converted, recategorize them as Natural Allies. If not, cease investing any time, and be on the lookout for a prospective adversary in the future:

SPEND 0% OF YOUR TIME (e.g., NONE!) TRYING TO CONVERT YOUR NATURAL ENEMIES INTO ALLIES OR FRIENDS. If you cannot effectively eliminate or neutralize your enemy (there are legal implications, so be careful), his or her only utility to you is as a deterrent, diversion or a destroyer of your other enemies. Enemies are best left to fight eachother, while you gleefully watch on the sidelines. In fact, if you can discreetly find ways to pit your enemies against eachother, they will be less prone to focus on you, and more prone to target eachother. Prosecutors love to prosecute; haters love to hate -- why not simply "direct" them productively, and in a way that proves most advantageous to your interests?

Remember: TRYING TO WIN YOUR ENEMIES OVER IS FOLLY. Invest yourself in finding your friends, instead. And when you find your friends, keep them.

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle

p.s. Personal apologies to the late Dale Carnegie. He wasn't wrong -- he just tended to generalize a bit too much.

p.p.s. The photo, for those of you who may be curious, is of the famed San Quentin Death Chamber, a veritable monument to the ultimate in lasting conflict resolution.

AN EXPERIMENT -- "THE STARE"

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Dear Friends:

Life, as we live it, may be viewed as an experiment, and the world around us as a laboratory. In one of the most impressive meetings of my unusual career, a dear friend of mine (a former Delta Forces chap), and a very refined, educated and courtly person, was making a conference room presentation to a group of four or five businessmen, each of whom probably regarded himself as the intellectual and tactical superior of all of the others present (the author of this post being specifically excluded).

My friend finished making his proposal, in his very articulate, thoughtful, low-keyed way. When he had finished, one of the businessmen made the serious mistake of misjudging context and territory. He was not aware of my friend's background, and was assuming an opportunity to press his supposed advantage in negotiating a deal with terms that were, at best, belittling of my friend...and this poorly misguided fellow put forth his counteroffer in a very insulting way.

My friend listened quietly, until the "negotiator" had finished his salvo. What followed was systematic, and effective:

• My friend nodded his head in polite acknowledgement;
• My friend put his face forward, staring directly into the eyes of the negotiator;
• Ten to fifteen seconds (a long time) passed, in silence;
• My friend placed the flat of his left palm on the conference room table, and simultaneously pointed the first finger of his right hand (with his thumb pointed up, as if he were preparing to aim and fire a loaded pistol) at the torso of the negotiator, and said, sotto voce, " Do not ever mistake my kindness for weakness. " The emphasis was on the word "ever";
• Every person in the room was stunned for a brief moment;
• The negotiator apologized for his presumptuousness;
• My friend merely nodded his head in assent.
• The meeting continued smoothly, with each party on his very best behavior.

Try an experiment. Make your point (with full eye contact, and pointed finger), and be silent. Maintain eye contact (sort of like those staring contests we had when we were children), and wait for your target to respond. You are likely to see a display of humility which you will find gratifying. People are terrified of quiet intensity, and horrified by eye-riveted silence.

Have fun. Make your observations. Don't abuse the power you gain by this approach.

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle

CITING YOUR TARGET: BEING CLEAR.

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In entering into any endeavor, discussion, negotiation, or conflict resolution involving other parties, significant information is generally required, not the least of which will, of necessity include:

• knowing who the other parties are, in terms of weaknesses and strengths;

• knowing what the other parties' objectives are;

• knowing the other parties' true parameters for settlement acceptance (e.g., settlement points, deal killers, non-starters, and "non-negotiable" items);

• knowing the time and resource constraints of all parties;

• knowing the other parties' alternatives and recourse positions;

• knowing which of the parties is the leader, and ultimate, authoritative decisionmaker;

• knowing which party is the most likely "deal killer" or prospective adversary, as well as why this may be the case (oftimes the factors are more emotional than rational or economic);

• knowing how much the other parties know about you, and your ultimate position;

• knowing the facts about the matter or matters to be discussed;

Most important of all, however is to cite, at least within the sanctuary of your own mind, your ideal target objective, and to visualize it in no uncertain terms. You must also be able to clearly and assertively articulate precisely what your target is, even though in certain types of negotiations, your opponents should not be told...in fact, the matter may be deliberately kept a mystery to them for strategic advantage. This type of thinking (whether reaffirmed by mantra, hypnosis, NLP) will enable all of your senses to operate toward the attainment of your objective.

Remember: You can never state your case regarding any matter of importance if you do not know what your own stand is. Before going into that meeting, making that decision, starting to speak, know your target!

Faithfully,

Douglas Castle

NEXT POST: COMING ATTRACTIONS

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Dear Friends:

I am writing this brief note to wish each and all of you a Happy and Healthy Holiday Season. The next post, due to be up on January 5th, 2007, will be of great importance to any of you who have had occasion (or will have occasion) to speak, as leader or facilitator, before a group of persons with conflicting agendas. You will not want to miss this post.

Faithfully,

Douglas E. Castle

p.s. Notice the photo above...you will find it slightly unsettling. Which side of the fence will you be on? Is it possible that you are already living your life on one side of this fence.

CONVENTIONAL WISDOM (?)

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YOU SHOULD VISIT...

www.HumanitasMaximus.blogspot.com.

Faithfully,

Douglas E. Castle

NEW POST!

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Dear Friends:

Please click on to www.psychological-self-mastery.blogspot.com for a very brief, but very powerful article on self-development. Understanding this bit of wisdom can change you from being a victim to being a winner. You will not be disappointed.

Faithfully,

Douglas E. Castle*

*The above picture of my former summer residence appears courtesy of my ex-wife.