Hear Ye This!The irony is no longer academic. It is now a matter of the quality of life, and the likelihood of victory in attaining my own objectives. But, then, I am starting out at the end of the story instead of the beginning.
I just came to realize that I freely give away my most precious possessions -- my time, my talents and my knowledge. Where I once thought this to be gracious and gentlemanly, I now view as deceitful, cowardly and sinfully wasteful. Sadly, I cannot undo the past to recover the losses I have allowed myself to incur -- but I can endeavor to change this very bad habit from today forward.
The tangible and immediately quantifiable things which I offer are of limited value. They are profitably priced, serve their purchasers well and solve well-defined, specific problems.
For example, if I disseminate a press release, conduct an interview, program a blog site or the like, I produce a product or render a service which addresses a particular pre-defined need. Having said this, the time that is consumed in writing or editing that press release (or in planning a comprehensive media strategy); in coaching an interviewee on speech, body language and persuasion; or of creating content, design and interactive capabilities for a site has often been given away in the interest of just "helping the client to get things further along."
I receive many compliments on my work, and on my "generous spirit"...people commend me on how much I "give of myself and my vast talents." Coming from a background of very low self-esteem, these words of admiration, acceptance and caring are very soothing to the psyche, feeding a deep-rooted need to be wanted, to be important to others. But they become almost offensive when looked at for what they are, in point of fact: very meager pay in exchange for a tremendous investment on my part. If time is all we have, I have squandered far too much of mine on acquiring kudos instead of bullion.
This folly is compounded by virtue simple Human Nature -- when people receive something for free, they either feel that it is worthless, or that it is an incredible bargain. If I offer up what is perceived as an incredible bargain, there is a propensity for people to demand more and more of it. My rejoicing in my generosity eventually turns into a feeling of endless enslavement to others. As most every responsible adult knows, people do this to me because I permit them to do it -- indeed, I often invite it, through sheer familiarity and force of habit. Do you? I admonish many of clients against it. Technically, this qualifies me as quite a hypocrite. And I abhor hypocrisy.
The result of wasting something so precious is the most ironic thing of all -- it leads 360 degrees (full circle) to low self-esteem. More dangerously, and even more insidiously, it leads to resentment of others.
In the words of an old friend of mine, "Don't sell yourself for nothing, kid, because people are gonna think that's all you're worth." He was an attorney by profession, and I think, in retrospect, that he billed me for every fraction of an hour that he spent with me where we even casually discussed any aspect of business. Yet, I still regarded him as my friend. I was just somewhat more cautious and efficient in my investment of time with him. More importantly, I viewed his time as very precious, so I hung on to his every word!
When I fall into a pattern of this sort, I have no one to blame but myself. But spending time blaming myself is not as prudent an investment as is doing things differently in order to eliminate the problem at its source.
No...I do not want to stop being charitable and generous. But I am also aware that it takes a goodly sum of money to be philanthropic.
Some readers (you know who you are!) will take this as a thinly-veiled warning; a pre-emptive strike againstany uncompensated use of my time. Others will perceive it as a venting or ranting (ranting is much more exciting than merely venting, by the way) exercise. What you think matters, but not nearly so much as what I think. After all, it is my life we're talking about.
Effective immediately, I have elected to stop being so damned wasteful and resentful. Mark this day down in your calendar book. You might wish to refer back to it from time to time.
I have fashioned a new job for myself that requires far fewer hours, and pays much more than the "old" job.
Congratulate me!
Faithfully,
Douglas Castle
*Follow DOUGLAS CASTLE on TWITTER - http://twitter.com/douglascastle .
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