If your opinion is not solicited, try to avoid offering it -- unless it is an urgent warning that may save someone about whom you care from getting hit by a bus or shot by a sniper.
Unsolicited opinions are generally perceived by most persons as intrusive judgments, criticisms or insults, unless they are obvious warnings of imminent danger, or unless they are stated as ideas... framed as 'spontaneous thoughts'. Example: "You know what would really bring out the color in your beautiful eyes? That fedora!"
Before offering your opinion (when it is actually requested), be certain that you understand the motivation behind the person's inquiry. In some cases, it is merely a call for validation or affirmation without any real opposition or new perspective on your part; in other cases, it is an honest request out of respect for your knowledge or special expertise. In the first case, the requester doesn't truly want your opinion, so much as your endorsement.
If someone says, "I'd really like your opinion about ___________," don't answer. Instead ask, "Why do you ask?" or "Why, in particular, do you want my opinion?" If the answer is along the lines that "I've decided to...," or "I'm going to...," or anything else indicative of a strong commitment to a plan of action, or a reference to a decision already made, proceed with extreme caution. This individual is seeking your agreement, assent or endorsement -- perhaps even your reassurance.
If you disagree with this person's decision or ex post facto action, and you wish to stay out of harm's way (avoid a wasteful argument, or compromising an alliance over something unimportant to you, specifically), the only answer which works is, "You've asked for my opinion, but I'm going to insist that in a matter such as this one, that you must trust your own instincts." This is a powerful non-answer, which places the responsibility for any outcome squarely on the shoulders of the requester and which sounds (albeit remotely) like your endorsement of the requester's decision-making skills -- but it is not a false endorsement of what may ultimately turn out to be a calamitous choice. Don't be an accomplice or enabler to stupidity if you can avoid it.
The truth is not always what is sought. Your alternatives are to lie (the least desirable), or to turn the question around to a positive-sounding non-answer. When possible, this latter choice is best, especially if artfully delivered.
Sometimes, in taking command of interpersonal relationships, diplomacy, and carefully choosing one's battles are the keys to the preservation of alliances.
Douglas E Castle
http://TakingCommand.blogspot.com
http://aboutDouglasCastle.blogspot.com
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