There is a popular myth about people reaching a "happy medium." The underlying idea is that two people, each starting with his or her own respective objective or position in mind (if you'd like, picture an employee re-negotiating his salary with his employer; the employee would like a $30,000.00 annual increase - and the employer would like to give the employee a meager $10,000.00 annual increase), can reach a "settling" point through the negotiating process where each will have sacrificed something in order to meet the other 'halfway,' or somewhere in between their initial unstated objectives. This is, in fact, inconsistent with behavioral psychology and the dynamics of arriving at a settlement.
In negotiations like these, the parties anticipate a give-and-take scenario, so they generally begin by stating exaggerated positions, each knowing in advance that the other will likely compromise to some extent. The conventional wisdom is to ask for more than what you'd like. Aim high. This will be perceived by the other party as either a veiled threat, or as an opening ruse. If you'd like to learn about this initial posturing, just go to your local used car dealer and begin a discussion about a car which you "are just curious about." That experience, pun notwithstanding, will be your crash course.
Because people are inter-reactive, a static "happy medium" can not ever truly be reached. The notion of satisfaction is a relative and highly subjective one. It is also a shifting dynamic. If I 'won' an increase from my boss for $10,000.00 and was satisfied yesterday, I'll become dissatisfied today if I learn that he gave my colleague (a stronger negotiator than myself) a $12,000.00 raise.
Ironically, if the person with whom I'm negotiating concedes to my demands too readily, I will have "settler's remorse." Immediately after my request is granted, I will begin to feel as if I should have asked for more, and that I had undersold myself. A victory which is too easily won is somehow always suspicious.
The truth is that a "happy medium" is always temporary. Every negotiation, like every relationship, is ongoing, with an ever-shifting "happy medium." Human Beings generally want to better themselves, and discontent is seldom far away.
As my college roommate (a truly wise fellow) once said, "If you want to get a happy medium, just pay her a giant bonus after she comes out of her trance and the seance is ended."
Douglas E Castle [http://aboutdouglascastle.blogspot.com]
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