Dear Friends:
Allow me to open with a quotation from myself (a fellow with whom I am becoming increasingly well-acquainted):
"The road to non-accomplishment is paved with the undying corpses of petty bureaucrats exercising their power to encumber progress."
These annoying, small-minded, officious bullies are a fact of life, and hence, they must be dealt with successfully. Understand the mindset of many of these people: They are not there to help you -- they are there to slow you down, or ignore you; if they do something properly for you, they are doing you an enormous favor; they are inherently languid, and do not enjoy the prospect of work -- in fact, they become exceedingly angered when you repeatedly request things of them, even if this means merely doing their job.
Some possible tactics (all of which are legal, and none of which involve violent threats or bribes) are listed below, in protocol order:
1. Try to be polite, businesslike, and minimize conversation, as supurflous conversation distracts them, or might even annoy them. Do not be overly friendly-- they will smell your fear, which is an amphetamine for most of them. Do not be familiar -- they may resent your taking liberties. Do call them by their proper titles, and not by first names, or by neglecting to address them with any names;
2. If you suspect trouble, keep all of your communications recorded either by telephone, by receipted e-mail, or by certified mail. Keep excellent records;
3. If you are having a particularly difficult time, sometimes it is a good idea to have a different person from your organization become the new liaison to the bureaucrat;
4. If no civil approach seems to be working, do some research and find out the name of the bureaucrat's supervisor -- but, more importantly, find other government agencies, and the names and addresses of their high-ranking bureaucratic officials (especially the ones who may oversee the department of the bureaucrat with whom you are wrestling, or the ones from other government agencies and organizations with interests injurious to the ones of the bureaucrat -- Inspectors General, the ACLU, Congresspersons, and others). Get their names, titles and email addresses (if possible).
5. Issue a letter, via email, facsimile and certified mail (return receipt requested) to the bureaucrat, listing all of the carbon copied officials on it (and sending emails to them as well), requesting an immediate resolution to your difficulty. It is nice to add a political touch, and talk about resolving your matter immediately, fairly and lawfully; make mention of the fact that you have been more than cooperative and patient, and that you are beginning to feel that your constitutional and civil rights are being infringed upon; also mention that the bureaucrat might be acting beyond the scope of his legal authority, etcetera; visibly copy an attorney on your letter as well -- it would be a pity if your bureaucrat had to answer to other bureaucrats, or became the target of an investigation, or had to give testimony... (are you grinning? just a bit?)
Faithfully,
Douglas Castle
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